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Jokes - Tech Support
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Help Support SkidSteer Forum:
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<blockquote data-quote="Tazza" data-source="post: 1558" data-attributes="member: 82"><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: Yeah.... </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen..... </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">=============== </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Female customer: A white one... </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">=============== </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry.... </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">=============== </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: Your left or my left? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">============== = </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Male customer: Hello... I can't print. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and... </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it! </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">=============== </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it... </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">=============== </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: I have problems printing in red... </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: Do you have a color printer? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: Aaaah....................thank you. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">=============== </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">=============== </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: OK </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: Yes </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">=============== </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">=============== </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: I can't get on the Internet. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: Five stars. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">=============== </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: Netscape. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">=============== </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">=============== </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: How may I help you? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">=============== </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: Are you running it under windows? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine." </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">=============== </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">And last but not least:.... </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: I don't have a P. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: What do you mean? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!</span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tazza, post: 1558, member: 82"] [SIZE=2]Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong? Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right? Customer: Yeah.... Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using? Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen..... Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! =============== Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... =============== Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry.... =============== Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left? ============== = Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print. Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and... Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it! =============== Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it... =============== Customer: I have problems printing in red... Tech support: Do you have a color printer? Customer: Aaaah....................thank you. =============== Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket. =============== Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work =============== Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? =============== Customer: I can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars. =============== Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer. =============== Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. =============== Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it? =============== A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine." =============== And last but not least:.... Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob. Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!![/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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